he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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