Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
