I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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