woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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