Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
