She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
