You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My ass is underappreciated
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
