Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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