Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if only i could text you this smell
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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