It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
