I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
