no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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