I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
