If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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