he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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