Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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