Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm passing your future prison.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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