I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
