hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
