He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
