I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize