similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
