so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
