The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
