I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
