So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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