Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
