Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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