I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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