I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
