i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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