She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Fuck appropriateness.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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