I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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