Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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