fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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