I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
