You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize