I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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