I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
