seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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