So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
