in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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