I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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