Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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