I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
