he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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