If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
