How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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