I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
