I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
