so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
