why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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