so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
