i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
smell my finger.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
