In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
