Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
