you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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