I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
