When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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