Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
