She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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