pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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