Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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