either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
