How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
