Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
