Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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