chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
