Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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