I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my being single is dangerous.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
