This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
