I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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