those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
