This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
