just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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