I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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