i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
