So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
