I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
