I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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