I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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