if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Too much gin, very little bucket
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
