ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
